For those of you who are new parents or soon to be parents, this is a courtesy guide for you to help you navigate the unspoken shoe policies soon to be enforced in your home once your child reaches a toddler stage. If you hear a piercing scream or your child begins to bang their head on the nearest hard object, you may have violated one of the following and need to review this comprehensive list:1. If a shoe is in the room, someone must wear it immediately. Even if you are cooking breakfast in your pajamas, if your stillettos from last night are in sight, your toddler will make sure you are wearing them before you have time to put the spatula down.
2. Boots go with anything in any season. Not even worth the fight- just let them wear their winter wearer boots with their bathing suit.
3. If you purchase brand new shoes for a toddler, that triggers growth hormone in them and they will soon grow 2 sizes making those $25 shoes worthless.
4. In the event that growth hormone is NOT triggered, said toddler will make sure to lose just one of the shoes the first time you leave the house- making sure that you can stare at the brand new lonely shoe in their closet for months until you finally give up and toss it.
5. If there is a speck of sand in their shoe, they will feel it. It's like a princess and the pea thing.
6. Some shoes look better when you are naked. "Do these make my butt look good?"
7. You must never wear shoes while peeing. It is necessary to strip completely down including shoes to emit a half ounce of urine. And this must be done at least 10 times per day.
Anybody have any other shoe rules going on in your home?
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