Toys are a LIE

Before I had children, I pictured them playing for hours with their little people castle or playing "house" quietly while I tidied up the entire house. What I didn't understand is that kids hardly ever play with toys and that a large part of my job in life would become entertaining little people with the attention span of a gnat. So, as in many areas, all things that seemed ridiculous before have kids, have now become totally rational.

I am volunteering this week at Vacation Bible School and I am the crew leader for a group of preschool age kids including my 2 kids (age 3.5 and 2.5years). Charlotte, my 3 year old is doing great, however it is a little over my 2 year old's head and so after exhausting all of the tricks in my bag- lacing cards, hot wheel car, snacks- I let him lick my arms and legs for a good 20 minutes. I got a full cat bath as others all around us sang praises to Jesus and it was totally worth it.

Here are some other things I may or may not have let my kids do in exchange for a minute or two or peace and quiet. Keep in mind I was fully aware all of the things below were taking place and said to myself "yes, that is a great idea, continue on dear one!":

1. Unroll an entire roll or two of toilet paper. If you haven't done this yet, it's totally worth it and a great place to start.

2. Give themselves a yogurt facial and hair massage with their leftover yogurt cup. Solid 10 minutes of entertainment.

3. Stick unused pantyliners all over their body. I got them for free couponing so who cares. I got to do the dishes.

4. Eat grass. Do you know how much I could get done if they ate the entire yard, blade by blade?

5. Eat toothpaste. Not sure what the fascination is with toothpaste and toothbrushes, but if you are having a hard day, just whip these out and let them go to town.

6. Play "hide from the monster" under covers. This one is just a good trick. Tell them you, the monster, is coming and growl and snort as they run for cover. Then clean the house and every 5 minutes or so, just walk by the room they are in (hiding under the covers) and snort as you go on your way. That will buy you another 5 minutes until the next snort.


These are just a few of the many examples and I know I can't be alone in this. What crazy things do you let your kids do to keep them occupied?

If you have not tried any of the above, maybe you could stand to loosen up. Heck, why not just make it a goal to complete the list before the end of the summer. Keep in mind that if your child tries to repeat any of these actions in the presence of a friend or family member without children, you may need to act surprised by his behavior as to not seem like a careless parent.